“You’re always smiling!”
“Wow, your confidence is inspiring!”
“You’re so bubbly!”
I hear things like this all the time. From people I meet in person, those who I chat with on panels and events and those who follow me on Facebook and Instagram – they all say the same thing. I’m full of energy, giggles, and smiles.
I love to be seen that way.
My energy reflects true happiness, contentment with how far I’ve grown and excelled and the things I’ve done for my #GCRFamily.
It’s true, but only in part.
Behind my smile, sometimes, there’s some other feelings, too. I still have my days. Life happens. Adulting, too. And at the end of the day, I’m still dealing with big stupid MD.
Some days I may have a fall. Or a few.
Other days I might feel low trying not to be reminded that I’m struggling to get dressed or take a stroll on my own.
Every day isn’t a breeze, especially when it concerns my confidence. Over the years, I’ve learned how to keep it up – head tilted high, chest proud and smile big and wide. At 34, I see myself in an interesting way – a way that I wouldn’t have expected a few years back.
It starts from within.
How did I get here?
I’d say I owe my confidence to seeking out the help I needed. When I was first diagnosed, I couldn’t understand the feelings I had around myself. I felt a lot less “me” when I became super swept off my feet (literally!). I couldn’t understand why my body had betrayed me.
Counseling was a big deal.
Having a talk therapy experience allowed for me to “get it all out” and “take it all in” – the fresh perspective and comfort, that is.
A big part of confidence was in action. I worked at it. I got dressed up in my favorite threads (first by myself, then with the help of my PCA). I try to always wear my favorite shoes and maybe even matching headscarf. I wanted to LOVE what I saw when I looked in the mirror, so I challenged myself to show up everyday like I was a BOSS.
*channels inner Sasha Fierce*
I noticed that when I took it from the mirror to the set, I felt even better. I love the feeling of power and beauty that comes with prepping for a photoshoot.
And works its way out.
My business, Girls Chronically Rock tends to feed my confidence as well. It tends to be a win-win. I pour in, it pours out. The harder I work to build the #GCRFamily, the more it boosts my confidence. Every time a brand asks me to feature on their panel or someone welcomes me to an episode of their podcast show, I feel so good. So wanted!
Following my passion really does the trick!
Then there’s the little things – the small pleasures that bring a smile to my face and a giggle to my belly. You guys know by now how much I love my reality tv. I can get lost in those shows for hours. Then there are Tik Tok videos and the more serious – story exchange. I love to hear and share testimonies with others about where we’ve been and where we’re headed!
The way I see it: confidence is a muscle. You’ve got to work at it; putting in repetitions towards success. One day of putting on makeup. One rep. One photoshoot. One rep. Affirmations. One rap. Smiling at how good I look in the mirror. Another rep.
It takes practice. Effort. Action.
But I don’t do it alone.
Every “you’ve got this,” word of encouragement, and shirt purchased is like the protein shake I need to keep energized and with my eye towards to prize.
I have my ups and downs like everyone else, but I work hard to maintain my confidence. For those reading, who may be struggling with their own or feel that they have none at all, be reminded that we all have those moments – even if that moment isn’t short. Everyday isn’t going to feel like the runway and that’s okay. But the true confidence comes from the sum of the little practices and actions. The more you push, the more have to flex!